This is my first post here, so any and all criticism or recommendations are welcome.
From a quite child to diagnosed adult
I was always a very independent child, I liked to play alone, or sometimes with close friends, I was a very private child, I was also quiet and pretty tame (according to my parents) and never thought i will have ADHD and work problems because of it. So when I did become diagnosed as an adult it was quite a shock for them, as the symptoms didn’t seem present to them.
I was never a good student and was always “bored” in class.My family thought that I was bored because of not being challenged enough in class. In my opinion this was not the case because I always struggled with grades and never was interested in school subjects,day dreaming was present always also. I never thought anything of it until I graduated college and started struggling in the real world.
During college I ran an auto shop with a buddy from high school. My buddy, although a fantastic mechanic, suffered from pretty severe ADD. Even on meds he was still having a hard time concentrating, this paired with my undiagnosed ADHD made us struggle a LOT.
I ended up leaving the business to my partners dad, he still runs the shop and I maintain a good relationship with him. I left to go find a job more aligned with my degree (finance) and so I took on two internships my senior year of college. The two internships were great, I excelled in the first one, and this led me to get a more advanced internship during the summer after my senior year. My 2nd internship was great, I was killing it, but unfortunately I was laid off after a merger in late 2016.
ADHD and Work problems
I found a job which didn’t end good
By 2017 I had found another job, it was very demanding and I had to wear a lot of hats, I was a financial consultant for various municipalities looking to obtain funding through general obligation bonds for schools. I prepared investment pitches, lobbied at board meetings, and did a lot of in depth financial analysis.
My boss at the time was a perfectionist, and cracks started to show in my work, both of us were frustrated to find a solution. I kept making really small mistakes like excel formatting, or some missing coma. I understood the big picture, but the small things were crushing me. Eventually my boss grew frustrated with me, I tried to talk to her but she basically said if I can’t cut it I should leave. Long story short she fired me the day before my 3 month probation was up.
This was really crushing for me, I had never been fired from a job. I was so confused, was this all my fault? Did I just have a crappy boss?
Started a new one and testing myself once again
A few months later I find an analyst position for an investment syndication, the first 3 months were great, but then the same problems started coming up. Small mistakes here and there, I was getting the concepts, but since my deliverables were being sent to big bank executives everything had to be PERFECT. I started to frustrate my boss and supervisor to the point where they had to intervene and basically start micro managing me.
Actually I understood their frustration and sought to find a solution. I was suffering from a lot of anxiety and thought I may have a general anxiety disorder. Decided to explain this to my boss and supervisor and they were incredibly understanding, they started to work with me a little differently and slowly started to see very small results. At this time I also went to go see a psychiatrist who determined I had ADHD, he prescribed me 20mg vyvanse and weekly therapy sessions.
Treating myself with medication was the right choice
I am in week 5 of treatment now, last week my boss and supervisor have both told me they’ve seen a great improvement in my work. They know about my diagnosis and medication. I am still struggling here and there with staying focused, keeping my anxiety in check, and making sure I follow my therapists instructions.
Therapy has been great, at first I was very skeptical about the psych and therapist, but now I am feeling a little better, and I am starting to see results, and so are my colleagues.
Everyday I have to be aware of mental state, I have to check my emotions and rationalize every thought before I get super anxious about irrational thoughts, which occur DAILY. I’ve come to learn that my ADHD doesn’t show itself in a “bouncing off the wall” sort of way, but more in an emotionally hypersensitive way. I believe this is what is causing my extreme anxiety. But through treatment I have been able to pinpoint these thoughts and talk myself out of them.
Things are slowly getting better, I think my point is, if you think something ain’t right up there. GO SEE A DOCTOR because ADHD and work problems can get worse if not managed.
I was always that guy that didn’t want to see a doctor, take meds, get treatment. I thought it made people weak. This was ignorant thinking that I was glad I was able to challenge and get help. If you’re reading this, and any of my long rant appealed to you, please seek help, even if its just telling a friend or family member how you’re feeling.
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